The Urge
Karen Telleen-Lawton -- September 9, 2005
One woman's labor: having a baby... or having a book?
I've been pregnant since March, 2003. The baby has grown inside along with my desire to express my ideas. It has been challenged by detailed interviews, comforted by long hours of still quiet at my computer, and rocked by hikes into the mountains to explore my topic. I thought my energy for this baby, for this project, was inexhaustible.
But today it was different. I spent the morning printing chapters, checking page numbering and meshing headings: readying myself for a final read-through. My agent is expecting the manuscript at the end of the month, one week away. Suddenly I am overwhelmed by a feeling I haven't had in 22 years and 22 days: the urge to push.
I still feel an overarching love for my baby manuscript, but at this moment the balance has tipped slightly. My hands are moving slowly, methodically, trying to uncover the simple errors that slip in over the course of myriad rewrites. But my mind is screaming, "Just get it out!" I'm giving birth.
Hold on world, here it comes.